I was so pissed today. I booked the freakin AVA for my 2T, prepared a lesson thats definitely gonna make them learn and hopefully motivate them to realize the beauty of knowledge but my positivity were almost destroyed by the 5N teacher's (who is not even in school) programme of Billy Elliot. U dont book it and u are not even there...how fair it is to kick me out w my class? My 2T were disheartened and always ready to give in. I had to scream at them to just stay in cos i already prepared my lesson. No way, i am giving in to others who dont abide by the system. Its not fair that my freakin class do not have a projector and all the baldi power points not working. I am not giving in and its enough of NT negligence. I screamed at a rude boy and the entire 5N for being selfish as they insist on watching VCD...i dont care if its an education vcd because my 2T deserve the education i have prepared for them because we JOLLY WELL booked the room. Of cos, sum of my malay 5N students were pissed with me but if they were in the 2T shoes at that moment, i would have fought for them too.

At that moment, i really hated the school. Wtf is the use of a system if we dont abide to it and use it? The AVA is a relief teacher home room...wat kinda screw up is that to not have dat specified in the plan given? Why we minority has to give up our right? Why my freakin class is not checked and why it is not fully equipped with facilities? Is Malay of no importance or my students are of no importance? Complaint to the in-charge got pushed to others. I had itlah. Tell me how tuff it is to get all angry and hysteric but later compose oneself for lesson just cos of the students? It may not be a very successful lesson like i think it will be w/o the major interruption but i am sure glad that Sharuddin and Aslam paid attention together with my forever attentive Suryani.

My small classroom too had to accomodate my 27 form students. Couldnt use Edwin's class since he has lesson. Other teachers may think my students are nightmare or naughty but they have always been accomodative and nice to me. Every Value Ed lesson is the time for us to interact and also for me to preach ( i guess). Today is about integrity. I quoted 2 good examples of very famous naughty boys. They may be naughty but they are sure wonderful kids. S left gangsterism and slowly turning over a new leaf because he realised he has to do the right thing so as to gain his mum's trust again. S almost cried when i told the frens discreetly about his sacrifice. H...despite having lotsa financial prob, he returned a wallet altho its tuff because he has integrity dat one do not steal even if one is hungry. I really hope either one of them gets the award.

Talked to 2 of my students. Both...can be generally said come fr dysfunctional family. Both are wonderful kids but too emo or burdened w emo and financial prob at a young age. I was truthful and harsh perhaps but i really want them to realize how they can change all that and not let those probs ripped them off their rights to change their life. They asked me, " Cikgu...berapa lama nak sabar?" I said to them, " U are just 15 and u asked me that...sampai mati kita sabar...sampai bila-bila and problems will always be there but u have to face it and find ways to solve it w/o losing ur rights and ur good future." I told them to think about what i said. I told them too that they may not have supportive families but they have friends and outsiders who sincerely care ( hinting on me lah). Its not a blessed or an ideal world every day or for everyone but i believe working towards a brighter and good future...theres definitely sunshine at the corner. Allah not dat badlah. I really pity them and i do love them altho its hard for me not to b disappointed with them. Its hard too to be strong and not shed a tear in front of them but they have to be strong...they must because their phase of life is tougher than mine.

I had to vomit feelings out because its too tuff to contain it longer.