Keikhlasan & Keredhaan.
One is sincerity and the other is...wat is the other one translated into English?
I have always think dat its hard to be sincere and all-accepting to wat is given or will be given to me. Even right now, i am always doubting my sincerity and acceptance of wat is gonna be fated for me. Simple example is right now, at this very moment, i am sincerely embarking into the route of marriage because of Allah but to say its 100% for Allah, i mean i have learn to love Shaiful very much and the desire to be a better human being emotionally, physically, mentally and morally are part of my reasons to be married. Am i doing it for Allah when i know for the fact that all those side reasons are to bring myself closer to Allah? Probably, i am sincere now but wat if...yeah WAT IF, things later dont turn out well like Shaiful stop loving me, God took away my ability to give birth for a while or even give me a bad situation in this relationship w Shaiful; Will I, Noorlizasabariah, be still doing things to be closer to Allah...carry on believing in keikhlasan to Allah when things dont turn out beautifully since now i am comfortable with HIS blessings? I want to be redha, acceptance to wadeva God wants to give but i am only human. Life had been pretty comforting to me and i have always been thankful but wat if it dont turn out so well, later? I know its a lot of 'ifs' but i realized that i should be very grounded. A fren talked to me about redha and ikhlas...how she ikhlas in confession to Allah about her infidelity or maybe her true love to the married man. How she sincerely only want him and no one else. How she is willing to redha if he is not for her but for as long as God shut the heart of the right man for her. Her keikhlasan and keredhaan questions mine and grounded me. I realised keikhlasan and keredhaan must not require an ultimatum to our Creator, Allah. I believe that i have to accept wadeva is given by HIM cos i have embraced the religion of sincerely surrendering to Allah. However, i know too that i am allowed to ask and ask Allah to grant me strength in going thru wat HE has planned for me as well as show me the right solution that leads no way futher than HIS blesssings.

The lil conversation reminded me Again & Again of how small i am despite of the countless blessings HE gave me . It also reminded me of how Daif i was before requesting Allah to shut other doors just cos i only desire a guy but Allah gave me a chance and didnt shut HIS blessings despite me asking for it. How merciful HE is.

Its inevitable but as much as HE takes, HE gives too and helps very much.

Pls pardon my emo religious realization. It made me see how stupid i was before.