Finally, an apology.

I did sumting dat i am proud of last night. You knoe how sumtimes u got angry cos ppl provoked u and acccused u of things dat uwere not guilty. I am ultra sensitive in that and normally will end up in blasphemy just to let out my disappointment. Frankly, when i think back later and reflect...i dont really mean those short painful phrase. But like the malay proverbs, terlajak perahu boleh undur balik tapi terlajak kata tanggung binasa selamanya. Again, there is this word created by God to express ur sincere regrets for wadeva u had done and yeah, i apologized to a lady altho i did the earlier part by messaging her in a personal member box. She didnt reply and i didnt expect her to do that but i hope, God grant me the chance to talk to her again so dat i can apologize sincerely. I was granted dat last night and i apologized for being a judgmental assy bitch. Explained to her and sincerely extend my arms to be her fren. I realy do since the very first time i had a lil conversation w her on philosophy and i even talked to Emee abt how i think she gonna b so interesting cos she is smart and opionated. Emee agreed and i really hope that Allah grant me this friendship with this lady. I heard things about her and its not like i dont hear things about many ppl but being me, i rather not take those judgements cos thats still not the whole person. Like sum ppl thing, Shila is so kpo...frankly, i dont think she really is cos i knoe it based on my own experience. Theres a very thin line dat differentiate kpo n sincere concern. A lot dont get it.

Anyway, there are still many things i asked about. Talking abt judgemental, we cant say that we are not judgemental.Frankly, that thing is unconciously in us. We haf a bit of dat but not to overly enlarge dat lil gd thing and be all judgemental just by listening to others and via an incident w dat person. A day dont make u knoe dat person, not even weeks, months or even years. We will never knoe that person wholly to sum it up w negative adjectives as a conclusion. We cannot do dat or i must say that its not right to do that. Who are we to judge tho. Therefore, thats why i keep on trying to knoe ppl even if i knew them for years like my best fren Yani. Every experience w the same person is a new day and compatibility is not wat u see overnight or thru one time, its a process.Frankly, i dont think my 18 years of friendship w Yani is a perfect compatible thingy. Its just dat we are together because of the beauty in our own friendship. Sincerity,honesty and not giving up on each other but the basic things are that situations are fated for us to b tog, same interest in simplicity and love. Am i talking sense? Oklah, just lets put it dat its fated w/o much realized emphasis on working towards dat. Another reason why it lasted dat long prolly cos she never mention dat she is obliged to be w me in any time. She came all the way the moment she felt dat i needed sumone badly altho its just for a while. Best thing, she neva bring dat up. I haf few frens who did dat too but its sad when it didnt last cos they were obliged probably to do dat. I am an obligation phobia k cos mainly, i do things not cos i am obliged cos i want to do it being just me and if i am obliged, u will knoe it but if i still do it...i neva say it cos i still want to do it. Argh enuff of self-explaining. Dats it lah.

Tudududu...gonna be in the hellish library after zuhur til evening to see my momok sis. She is such a darling still there with me sincerely. I luv her cos she still here.