Yayi used to tell me not to be so sad when the one u love or close to u die.
Anything more than a few tears are 'selfish' tears.
He said we all should be happy that the person had left a phase of his journey towards Allah. At same time, hope dat we will be able to join them soon. He told me too that he dont want me crying on his funeral cos it will break his heart very much.
He said people who died can see us altho we cant see them. Those were his words after my paternal grandpa died and i wasnt allowed to see. I had a month badi when i first experienced death among families. She was my nanny and i was 7 at dat time. Since dat day, whenever i heard death... i will cry and forbid from being near dead relatives. Yayi's death was the test and i proved to be strong despite nyayi going half crazy losing the love of her life. I didnt cry cos i know Yayi wont like me crying. Kept my tears til next morning when i realized dat Yayi will no longer ring his bicycle's bell, put on his batik shirt n pants dat he always hung beside the bed, no more javanese songs to tease me, no more jingle of his coins in his pocket and no more hugs and words of love from him plus the tobacco smell that i love dearly. It stopped and vanished. That was the time i cried out loud thinking how much i miss him but it stopped immediately after i got reminded of yayi's warning. I do wonder when is my time to join all those ppl dat Allah has taken away from this world. I am prepared anytime despite how little my amal maybe. If i want to think about amal, it will never enuff to be ready to see Allah. Semuanya harus berserah and we shudnt cry or be upset too much about death. Its a good thing just like wat Socrates said dat death is a beginning of someting. To me death is a step nearer to Allah.

I need to get to Rafaat Hamzah for help.
Remind me, remind me and teater ekamatra too.