Haf u eva been patronize sexually?
Times like this makes me think that its really my fault for things like dat to hit me.Sigh, he did it again n i wish he stopped talking if all he wants to do is insult me and equalize me to prostitutes. I neva met a nice guy in my life yet, i haf not.
Most likely, i haf to b blame for it.
I luv KL bcos of wat i am studying and probably sum frens. Kak Su had been the warmth in my heart. Erna, she has always been a distant friend. There were times i am disappointed w ppl and this include the ppl i do enjoy the company like Fat n Shark. I guess we really get on each other nowadays n i really want space as well as less dependent on them. I dont wanna any obligation in friendship.Been talking to Amizah n Halimah. Glad but i still luv the distance from them. Its lonely but its for the better since i dont think i am dat easy person to deal with. There were times, i wish i neva get close to ppl and bottle up all my feelings just like b4. It hurts to hear when ppl complain abt u especially when u seek solace in dat person tho i must say i am dreadfully whiney. I promise to stop n neva reveal too much of emotions.Sorry frens.
I kinda miss Prakash. I miss walking down the hill with him or walking him to his college and looked back at him as he reached a safe pt before i walked back. He is a nice fren n more alive than any normal ppl. He has a great heart, far greater than mine or anyone i knoe. There were times, i got hurt by wat ppl said abt him but i couldnt blame them cos his blindness can b taxing to others. I am guilty of neglecting him basically cos i choose to minor in Seni instead of Sastera. I wish i can like tell Prakash to b independent but doing such things will only hurt him n probably make him hated the real visible world. There were times, i wish i can hug my dear lil bro Prakash and wish dat its me who is blind instead of him so dat i wont b able to see such things.
The other time while waiting for class, i talked to an old fren named Sigaraga. Those were the days in IE when we chatted in canteen tog w my another partner in crime, Anak Pungut. Sigaraga repeated wat he said to me years back n i just slapped him wats new. I thot Sigaraga said dat to me belty fren too but i just refused to shame him by saying dat the line is a common line for him among girls. The he asked me wats wrong w married men going out w other girls n all i answered was,"tak manis". He said dat was really consevative n backward but i just listened n wonder if he will allow his wife to go out w other guys while he is in KL studying. Sumtimes, ppl preach wat they wouldnt want their other half to do. I was just too tired to argue such things as i sipped my ice lemon tea.
So many thing to think abt but all i really want to do is finsh up my assignments. I dont wanna think much abt guys cos they are just hurtful. I dont wanna talk much too. Probably, i dont even want ppl to read my journal but thats stupid cos its online.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
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As much as we get on each other's nerves,you are my first source of salvation whenever I feel down. It's not you and I want you to know that. My life in UM would be dull without your presence. Just that whatever that was told to me bugged me and I felt I could trust noone. I wish most people are as real as you liza but too bad thats too much to ask for.
I adore you. I appreciate you. I thank god almost daily for blessing me with a person as true and real as you are. After we're done with our space,we'll be back on track k? Miss u already and call me if there's anything.
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